WORST APPLICATION EVER.

“I Have a Jack Daniels Terrier.” I recently rented a big house here in Berkeley. I once got an application for this house from a woman that immediately aroused my suspicion, but as my sister Bonnie says, I have a suspicious nature. Why, I asked myself, would a single woman want to rent a 5 bedroom house by herself? Of course that’s legal, but it’s not normal. After reviewing her application form, I said: “I see you have a pet. You wrote down that your pet is a Jack Daniels Terrier. Don’t you mean a Jack Russell Terrier?” She seemed annoyed by my question. She said: “No. I meant what I said. I have a Jack Daniels Terrier.” I said: “Uh, you own a dog, right?” She said: “Yes, you know I do,” sounding increasingly annoyed. I said: “Well, I’ve never heard of a Jack Daniels Terrier before. Are you sure you don’t mean a Jack Russell Terrier?” Then she blew a gasket! She said angrily: “I’ve told you 3 times now that I own a Jack Daniels Terrier. You’re one of them, aren’t you?” I didn’t reply to that question. I didn’t know what she meant. Then she stood up and gathered up her stuff and said as she left: “I know you’re one of them.” She said that several times, but she never explained what she meant by that. When I went home, I looked up ‘Jack Daniels Terrier’ on Google, just to make sure that there really is no such breed, and as I suspected, there isn’t. I decided not to rent my house to that woman – or her Jack Daniels Terrier. I rented the house to a nice bunch of U.C. Berkeley chemistry grad students instead. Here is a photo of a Jack Russell Terrier. Notice the distinctive upturned tail, a characteristic of this breed. I wonder what a Jack Daniels Terrier might look like.

Worst Application Ever.

“I Have A Question.”  I rented a house on Milvia Street 3 years ago. At the bottom of my Craigslist listing, I put: “I will be happy to answer any questions you may have about this house. Send your questions to (my email address.)” Here are my 3 favorite questions and my answers.

Q. Your ad says that this house has 5 parking spaces, but there’s no garage. Is the parking outside?
A. Yes. I do not permit my tenants to park their cars inside the house.

Q. Your ad says ‘No dog.’ What about 2 dogs?
A. That was my mistake. I’m sorry. My ad should have said ‘No dog or dogs.’

Q. Do I have to tell you my name?
A. If you want to rent this house, Yes, you will have to tell me your name. I cannot check your credit if I do not know your name.

Worst Application Ever

My Dog Has Issues. At an apartment, where I advertised that I would allow a pet, an applicant told me that he had a dog. I asked him what kind of dog he had. He said that he didn’t know. I am always suspicious when an applicant for an apartment tells me that he has a dog but can’t describe it. That happens fairly often, and it always sets off alarm bells for me. I said to him: “I can see that your dog is in your car. Why not bring him inside so I can meet him?” The guy went silent. After thinking about it for a minute, he said:  “I don’t think that would be a good idea. My dog has anger management issues. That’s why I have to move.” I thought: “Uh oh! That dog must have done something really, really bad.” I said: “Well in that case, leave the dog in the car.” I didn’t call the guy’s landlord to get the gruesome details. I didn’t have to. I knew I didn’t want that dog in my building. I rented the place to somebody else.