BLUEBERRY MUFFIN MIX. A jar of my blueberry muffin mix makes 12 – 2″ blueberry muffins or 6 – 4″ muffins. Everything is in the jar, including the blueberries! You just add water. Have you ever read the ingredients on supermarket blueberry products? Most contain no blueberries at all! Pillsbury’s Blueberry Muffin Mix says on the front of the package ‘imitation blueberries, artificially flavored.’ I don’t know what their imitation blueberries are made out of. The ingredients list on the back of the package contains a long list of chemicals. I don’t know what these chemicals are or what they do, but there are no blueberries on the list. Smucker’s Blueberry Waffles contain ‘flavored blueberry bits’, but blueberries are definitely not one of the ingredients in Smucker’s ‘flavored blueberry bits.’ Other products I found at Safeway that contain no blueberries: Krusteaz Blueberry Pancake Mix, Kellogg’s Blueberry Cereal Bars, and Jiffy Blueberry Muffin Mix. Some packages of Betty Crocker’s Blueberry Muffin Mix did contain blueberries, but other did not. You have to read the ingredients label with that brand. Safeway also had blueberry pies, blueberry tarts, and blueberry yogurt with no blueberries in them. All of these products had pictures of the product on the front of the package, and you can clearly see what appear to be real blueberries. Look at the picture below of Krusteaz Blueberry Pancake Mix. They certainly look like real blueberries, don’t they? I understand why food processors use imitation blueberries. Real blueberries are expensive. Fake blueberries are cheap. Duh. My blueberry muffin mix contains real blueberries from Quebec. No fake blueberries. No imitation blueberry flavor. No blue food color. The blueberries from Quebec tasted the best of all the ones I sampled. Why not give it a try?


Marijuana-filled Chocolate Bars.
Exploding Chocolate Bars.
New in the Chocolate Room.


I have griped before about the tendency of newspapers and web sites in the San Francisco bay area to think that chocolate has to have marijuana in it in order to be to be considered great chocolate. It seems like every time that some newspaper gives an award for ‘best chocolate in the bay area’, it always goes to a company that makes pot-filled chocolate. In the current issue (July 12, 2012) of East Bay Express, the newspaper’s award for ‘Best Edibles Company’ in the bay area was given to Bhang Chocolate of Oakland. All Bhang chocolate bars contain marijuana. They are available at marijuana ‘dispensaries’ here in Berkeley, where they are ‘given away’, not sold, but ‘given away’ with a catch. In order to get a ‘regular strength’ Bhang chocolate bar, you have to ‘donate’ $15 to the dispensary. For a ‘double strength’ Bhang chocolate bar, you have to ‘donate’ $20. I think that this is a rather obvious hypocrisy, but I may be biased. I think that I make good chocolate, and I refuse to accept the idea that the absence of drugs in my chocolate bars somehow makes them inferior!


As I said, I don’t make chocolate bars with drugs in them. I also don’t make chocolate bars with explosives in them. Newly discovered documents reveal that Adolf Hitler tried to assassinate Winston Churchill during World War 2 with exploding chocolate bars. The Germans made time bombs disguised as 1 pound Peter’s chocolate bars. The exploding chocolate bars were smuggled into England in 1943 where German spies tried to get them into the war room. It was well-known that Churchill had a sweet tooth, and chocolate was very hard to get in England during the war. Lord Victor Rothschild, the head of MI-5, the British counter-intelligence service, found out about the plot and intercepted the exploding chocolate bars. Ironically, a similar idea occurred to Churchill at about the same time. In July, 1944; Hitler was almost killed when an English-made briefcase bomb went off in his war room. A number of people were killed by the blast, but Hitler was only wounded.

A Business Opportunity?
I know an executive at Hershey. He tells me that Hershey does not make exploding chocolate bars – at least not at this time. Peter’s chocolate is still in business, but they don’t make exploding chocolate bars either. Should I make exploding chocolate bars? I could. I have some very big chocolate bar molds, big enough to conceal a bomb inside, and black powder is easy to get. You can buy it at any gun store. I could have the whole exploding chocolate bar business for myself! But – I have a feeling that my lawyer and my insurance agent would advise me not to do it. I’m not a lawyer, but my instincts tell me that there could be some serious legal liabilities attached to making or selling exploding chocolate bars.


Chocolate Chip Buttermilk Pancake Mix. Some people never make pancakes at home because they feel it is too messy, time-consuming, or complicated; but my pancake mix is complete. All you have to add is water! Everything is in the bag, including miniature chocolate chips, flour, malted barley, canola oil, baking powder, and buttermilk. All you have to do is dump the contents of the bag in a bowl, stir in water, and you’re ready to make pancakes. What could be easier? Try it! You won’t be disappointed. One bag makes 12 – 4″ pancakes, enough for 3 or 4 people.

Why Buttermilk?
Buttermilk adds flavor to pancakes. It also makes them lighter and fluffier. The reason for this is simple chemistry. Buttermilk contains lactic acid, which is why it tastes sour. Lactic acid reacts chemically with baking powder, creating carbon dioxide bubbles in the batter. As the pancakes cook, the bubbles expand, making the pancakes rise.

Russian Cigarettes.  Russian Cigarettes aren’t Russian, and they aren’t cigarettes. A Russian Cigarette is a type of cookie that’s popular in Belgium. It is a thin butter cookie that is rolled up into a tube while it is still warm and soft. Once the cookie cools and becomes hard, I dip it in chocolate.

Remember – you don’t have to wait until the first of the month when the rent is due in order to get chocolate. My free chocolate room is open for business all month long! And also remember – all my chocolate is both drug-and-explosive-free!