WORST APPLICANT EVER.

‘The Finland Hoax’ I recently met a young man at a barbecue who said he wanted to talk to me privately. He said that he heard that I am a Berkeley landlord and told me that he is looking for an apartment for the Fall. After we talked for a while, I asked him about his t-shirt which said: ‘Finland Is A Hoax.’ I said: “What does that mean?” He said: “Finland doesn’t exist. It’s a hoax.” I was confused. I have heard a lot of conspiracy theories before, I had not heard this one. I told this guy that I know people who have been to Finland. He said that those people were probably ‘part of the Finland hoax.’ After the barbecue, I checked out his story on Google. It seems that a lot of people believe that Finland doesn’t exist. There are even maps on Google and Wikipedia of the Baltic without Finland. These maps show the area between Sweden and Russia as just open sea. I never argue with people who are into conspiracy theories. If you tell them that they are wrong, they assume that means that you are part of the conspiracy, and then they become suspicious, hostile, and sometimes even violent. The conspiracy theory that I have heard most often in my life is that the Holocaust is a hoax concocted by Jews in order to get sympathy and support for the state of Israel. I told this guy that I don’t have any vacancies coming up, which is true.

Berkeley and Finland. Did you know that at one time, Berkeley had a large Finnish population? Beginning around 1900, hundreds of Finns settled in the Ocean View section of west Berkeley, which in the 1920s was known as ‘Finntown.’ The Finnish stores, saloons, and restaurants that used to dot west Berkeley are now all gone, but there are several Lutheran churches in Ocean View that were built by Finnish immigrants and that are still in use. In addition, there are 2 Finn halls in west Berkeley. One hall was built by Finnish communists. The other was built by Finnish anti-communists. Both halls are also still in use. Some businesses in west Berkeley that were started by Finnish immigrants are still operating, like Walter Mork Sheet Metal. When I first came to Berkeley, the Berkeley Adult School was still giving Finnish language courses, but that’s gone now too.

WORST APPLICANT EVER.

My Name is Mary. I once had a memorable applicant named Mary. Mary was a polite, well-dressed middle-aged woman. She filled out my rental application form; however, the only questions that she answered were ‘Do you smoke?’ and ‘Do you have a pet?’ I said: “Mary, you forgot to write down your last name. You also forgot to fill in most of the rest of the form.” She said: “I didn’t forget. I don’t like to give personal information about myself to strangers.” I said: “Well Mary, if I rented this apartment to you, what name would I put on the lease?” She said: “Mary, just plain Mary.” I said: “Mary, I cannot run a credit check on you if all I know about you is that your name is Mary and that you don’t smoke or have a pet.” She said: “That’s OK with me. It’s OK with me if you don’t run a credit check on me. In fact, I would prefer that you didn’t.” I said: “Mary, what I am trying to tell you is this. I cannot rent an apartment to someone who I cannot identify.” She said: “You have to rent this apartment to me.” I said: “Why?” She said: “Because the reason I won’t tell you my name is because of my disability. I’m protected by the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act.) I have a letter here from my psychiatrist.” She showed me the letter; however, she had cut out all the names and addresses. The letter said that she suffered from ‘chronic paranoia’ – but I already knew that. It was obvious that this woman was paranoid. However, Mary was wrong about the ADA. A landlord actually can refuse to rent an apartment to someone who he cannot identify, whether that person is disabled or not. I rented the place to somebody else. I later found out that Mary tried to rent an apartment in Oakland from another landlord I know, but she told him that her name was ‘just plain Wendy.’