WHERE DO I GET MY COOKIES?

People often ask me where the cookies in my chocolate room come from. I don’t make cookies myself, but I am a fussy cookie buyer. A lot of commercially made cookies are made out of terrible stuff – and I mean really terrible stuff – stuff like petrochemicals and animal parts that belong in dog food instead of cookies. My most popular cookies are the shortbread cookies. I use Walker’s shortbread from Scotland, which I think is the best. They are 34% butter. That’s a lot! I get my speculaas and stroopwafels from the Netherlands. They make these traditional Dutch cookies in the United States as well, but the ones made in the Netherlands are the best. After all, who knows more about how to make Dutch cookies than the Dutch? I get some of my cookies from local bakeries, especially the perishable ones, like madeleines. I don’t buy cookies from supermarket bakeries.  Supermarket bakeries are almost always the cheapest, but the quality of their ingredients is usually low, and the skill level of supermarket bakers is also usually low. Take a look at the photo below. A woman ordered 2 cakes for her kid’s birthday. She told the supermarket bakery to: “Write Happy Birthday on both.” Look what she got. That photo reminded me of another photo, also below. Exxon ordered a fleet of trucks for use in Saudi Arabia. They told the manufacturer to paint: “No Smoking in Arabic on the trucks.”

WORST APPLICATION EVER.

Snowball. One of the strangest rental applications I ever received was for a 1-bedroom apartment on McAuley Street in Oakland from a well-dressed, middle-aged woman. She walked through the apartment, filled out an application form and handed it to me. The first thing I noticed was that after ‘Name of Applicant:’ she wrote ‘Snowball.’ I said to her: “Is your name Snowball?” She said: “No. Snowball is the name of my cat.” I said: “But you wrote Snowball after ‘Name of Applicant’.” She said: “Yes. I did.” I was befuddled by that answer, so I read the rest of her application before asking any more questions. It turned out that all of the information on her application form was about her cat. She provided no information about herself, not even her name. For example, after “Occupation:” she wrote: “Companionship.” I said to this woman: “I don’t understand. Do you want me to put the lease in your cat’s name?” She said: “Yes.” I said: “I still don’t understand. Do you plan to live here or is it just your cat?” She said: “Oh Yes, I’m going to live here too.” I said: “Well, why do you want the lease in your cat’s name?” She said: “Well, as I understand the law, if the lease is in my name, then I’d be responsible for paying the rent.” I said: “Yes. That’s right.” She said: “Well, that’s why I want the lease in my cat’s name.” I nodded my head to indicate that I understood her line of reasoning. I thanked her for her application and told her that I would call her if I decided to rent the apartment to Snowball. As you probably guessed, I rented the apartment to somebody else.

Can A Cat Rent An Apartment? You may find this hard to believe, but people do sometimes rent apartments just for their pets. I saw an interview recently with a man in San Jose who is renting a 2-bedroom apartment for his daughter’s 2 cats. Just the cats live in the apartment. The man’s wife is allergic to the cats, and the apartment is next door to his house. Here is a story about it: Apartment Rented to Cats. However, no landlord is going to rent an apartment to a cat. All landlords require that a human being take financial responsibility for paying the rent, even if no one (no human being) is going to live in the apartment. That is because a contract with a cat is not enforceable in court. (You probably already knew that.) However, things may change if Wayne Hsuing wins the Berkeley mayoral election next week. He has some big-name endorsements, including our former mayor. Hsuing is running as an anti-speciesist. Anti-speciesists believe that all animals should have equal legal rights. Hsuing says that his goal is to pass a constitutional amendment granting all animals ‘legal personhood.’ If the Constitution was amended to say that animals are people, then cats would have the right to rent apartments, just like ‘human animals’, which is what anti-speciesists call human beings. I can foresee a long list of problems if I had to rent apartments to cats. For example, how would I get a cat’s signature on a rental application or a lease? How would I run a credit check on a cat? Cats don’t have Social Security numbers or driver’s license numbers. Credit bureaus require that sort of information to run credit checks. And how would I verify a cat’s income?

ARE DENMARK AND CANADA HEADING FOR WAR?

Some of the most brutal and bloody wars in history started off as border disputes over a small piece of land. Hitler justified starting World War 2 by claiming that he was just trying to liberate the Polish Corridor, a small strip of land separating East Prussia from the rest of Germany. There are many border disputes in the world right now that periodically flare up in bloodshed. Look at what is going on in Armenia.
Have you ever heard of Hans Island? Hans Island is a barren uninhabited island between Greenland and Canada. When Denmark and Canada agreed to a border line in the narrow strait between Greenland and Canada, they overlooked Hans Island, which sits on the line. Each country claims the island is theirs and has ordered the other country to take down its flag and leave, but neither Denmark nor Canada are willing to give up their claim to the island. In 2004, tensions between the 2 countries reached a peak when the Danish navy sent warships to Hans Island to “assert Danish sovereignty.” The Canadian Parliament responded by ordering their army to “liberate Hans Island” from “foreign occupation.” The Canadian army was preparing to invade Hans Island when both governments realized that the situation was getting ridiculous and withdrew their military forces. Today, both Denmark and Canada still regularly send soldiers to Hans Island, but never at the same time. When the Canadian army arrives on the island, they take down the Danish flag and raise the Canadian flag. They also take the bottle of schnapps left by the Danish army and replace it with a bottle of Canadian whiskey. As soon as the Canadian soldiers leave the island, the Danish army returns. The Danes take down the Canadian flag, raise the Danish flag, take the bottle of Canadian whiskey and replace it with another bottle of schnapps. When the Danes leave the island, the Canadians return. This has been going on since 2005. Now – wouldn’t it be nice if border wars were all this civil?

Hans island War News Update: The Canadian army has recently constructed a billboard on Hans Island that says ‘Welcome to Canada.’ The Danish army has not said what they plan to do about this new provocation when the Canadians leave the island and they return. Now before you laugh at the absurdity of all this, remember that some very bloody wars started over things just as trivial as this. In the summer of 1914, somebody who nobody had ever heard of before shot an Austrian archduke who nobody had ever heard of before in a place that nobody had ever heard of before, and as a result, within a month, the whole world was at war, and 20 million people were killed.

BAD HISTORY.

There is an appalling amount of misinformation in history books written for children. Maybe I am too fussy about this because I teach history. Take a look at the photo below from the children’s book: ‘The Lives of the Great Composers.’ Beethoven was a musical genius, but I’m pretty sure that he couldn’t write music after his death. The book also says that: “Wolfgang Mozart was born in 1756. He astonished the musical world when he wrote the Minuet in G in 1751.” Mozart wrote the Minuet in G when he was only 5 years old, which is pretty astonishing; however, it would have been even more astonishing if he had written it 5 years before he was born.

A FUN OPTICAL ILLUSION.

Take a look at the cat photo below. Do you see a cat and its shadow on the wall? You’re wrong. Everyone who I have shown this photo to saw a cat sitting on a chair, but if you look carefully, you will see that it’s actually a photo of 2 cats sitting on a chair, one white and one black. There’s another fun cat photo below. People frequently crop photos of themselves in order to improve their appearance. The photo on the left of the man sitting on a sofa is the cropped photo. The photo on the right is the uncropped photo.