WORST APPLICATION EVER.

“My Dog Has Anger Management Issues.” I once rented an apartment in Oakland, and I advertised that I would allow a dog or a cat. One applicant checked off on his application form that he had a dog but left the description line blank. I asked him what kind of dog he had. He said that he didn’t know. That set off an alarm bell for me. I know something is wrong when an applicant tells me that he has a dog but can’t describe it. That happens once in a while. I looked out the window and said to him: “I see that your dog is in your car. Why not bring him inside so I can meet him?” The guy went silent. After thinking about it for a minute, he said:  “I don’t think that would be a good idea. My dog has anger management issues. That’s why I have to move.” I said: “Well in that case, leave your dog in the car.” I didn’t call the guy’s landlord to find out the gruesome details about what that dog did. I didn’t have to. I knew that I didn’t want that dog in my building. I rented the place to somebody else, a woman with a small turtle. I would much rather have a turtle in one of my apartments than a dog with anger management issues – or an alcoholic moose.