CHRISTMAS GIFT TIME.

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It is time once again for your Christmas gifts. If you are named as a tenant on a current lease with me, you are entitled to one gift from the list below. It is one gift per tenant, not one gift per rental unit. I do not have these items on hand. Once you tell me what you want, I will order it for you. As you have probably heard in the news, because of the backup in West Coast ports, a lot of imported products are hard to get right now. If something you want is unavailable, you may have to wait for it to be back in stock or take something else. Here are your choices. Pick one and have a happy holiday season!

1. Segway Electric Scooter. Xioami (pronounced ‘shall-me’) is the largest manufacturer of electric scooters in China. Nearly all of the electric scooter rental companies in the U.S. get their scooters from Xioami, including Lyft, Lime, Bird, and Spin. The model that I plan to give away is Xioami’s Segway Ninebot ES1. This may be the most practical item on this list. Street parking in Berkeley has become far more difficult to find. Berkeley has eliminated hundreds of parking spaces in order to create bike lanes. Street parking is also expensive. A lot of parking meters are now $3.50 an hour.

2. Apple Watch SE. Take calls and reply to texts from your wrist. With GPS.

3. Cuisinart Digital AirFry Toaster Oven. Kitchen appliances take up a lot of space on the countertop, so I like appliances that do the jobs of multiple single-purpose appliances. This is a toaster, an oven, an air fryer, and a food dehydrator. It bakes, broils, proofs dough, and is big enough to roast a whole 4-pound chicken.

4. Cuisinart Elite 12-Cup Food Processor. This comes with slicing and shredding disks, a dough blade, and a 4-cup bowl for small jobs. A great time saver if you have to do a job like slicing a pound of mushrooms. Make pizza dough in 2 minutes.

5. Go Pro Camera Bundle. Waterproof. Bundle includes: 64GB SD card, floating hand grip, wi-fi and Bluetooth.

6. Roomba iRobot i4 Wi-Fi Vacuum Cleaner. I saw one of these in my cousin’s home in Montana. They had 3 big dogs in the house, including a St. Bernard that weighed more than me! This robotic vacuum cleaner worked very well sucking up dog fur, and there was a lot of dog fur in their house. The vacuum cleaner terrified the dogs. There is something about vacuum cleaners that frightens dogs. My stepmother had a dog that hid under her bed shivering in fear whenever the vacuum cleaner was turned on anywhere in the house. I sometimes crawled under the bed with the dog to calm her down until the vacuuming was done. Cats, on the other hand, don’t seem to be afraid of these things.

7. Bose Noise Canceling Bluetooth Wireless Headphones. With Alexa voice control.

8. Fitbit Sense Smart Watch with GPS. You probably know more about what a Fitbit watch does than I do.

9. iPad. 10.2 inch screen. Wi-Fi model. 32GB. The model number will depend on what’s available.

If there is nothing on this list that you want, I can make a donation to the Berkeley landlord association in your name instead. (No tenant of mine has ever picked this option.)

MARK’S IMPROBABLE FRENCH HISTORY.

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There is something about the way I tell history stories that makes people say: “I don’t believe that happened. Mark must have made up that story.” People often tell me that they check out my stories on Google because they don’t believe them. Have you ever checked out one of my improbable stories?

“I am the President of France.” In May 1920, President Paul Deschanel of France was traveling on his presidential train. During the night, as the train was passing Orléans, south of Paris, Deschanel opened the window of his sleeping car, leaned out too far, and fell out of the window. He suffered only minor injuries from the fall, remarkable for a man of 64. Deschanel walked up to the nearest person, a track inspector and said: “Don’t be alarmed. I am the President of France.” He was wearing nothing but his pajamas. The track inspector assumed the man was drunk and replied: “Certainly you are, and I am Napoleon Bonaparte.” The track inspector took Deschanel to his house and called a doctor. The doctor confirmed that the man actually was the president of France to the astonishment of the track inspector. When the story was published in French newspapers, Deschanel became a national laughing stock and was forced to resign.

European history might have played out very differently if Deschanel had not fallen out of the window of his sleeping car. In the French presidential election earlier in 1920, Deschanel ran against Georges Clemenceau, the principal author of the Treaty of Versailles. Deschanel was a critic of the treaty. He won in a landslide, ending Clemenceau’s career. Deschanel wanted to renegotiate parts of the Treaty of Versailles with the new German government, but those plans came to an end with his resignation. Deschanel worried that a future German government might remilitarize the Rhineland, placing troops right on France’s border. Clemenceau argued that there was no need to worry about that since the treaty prohibited Germany from ever placing troops in the Rhineland.

The Man Who Sold the Eiffel Tower. Victor Lustig was the most successful swindler in history. In the 1920s, Lustig sold the Eiffel Tower to wealthy businessmen. Lustig impersonated a French government official. He told scrap metal dealers that the French government was going to tear down the Eiffel Tower and sell the steel for scrap. He convinced these businessmen to pay him huge sums of money for the Eiffel Tower. The French police were aware of what Lustig was doing, but they were unable to prosecute him because his victims refused to testify against him. Lustig’s victims were prominent businessmen and did not want to look like fools in court. Eventually, the French government issued a warrant for Lustig’s arrest, but Lustig escaped to the United States just ahead of the police. In the United States, Lustig invented new swindles. Lustig talked Al Capone into investing $50,000 in one of Lustig’s scams. This was a very risky thing for Lustig to do. $50,000 was a huge amount of money in the 1920s, and Al Capone was a very dangerous person to play for a sucker. However, Al Capone never found out that Lustig had conned him. I wonder if this story was the inspiration for the movie ‘The Sting.’ It sounds very similar.

NEW IN THE CHOCOLATE ROOM.

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SEASONED NUTS. People sometimes ask me if I have anything in my chocolate room with little or no sugar in it. However, I wonder if these people really mean it when they ask me that. We will see. I also frequently get requests from grad students for something that is easy to share at meetings (and perhaps butter up an advisor?) I now have 5 varieties of seasoned nuts, all of which have very little sugar in them. I would appreciate your reviews!

1. Colonel Beauregard Tarses’ Georgia Glazed Pecans.
2. Colonel Beauregard Tarses’ Kentucky Bourbon Pecans. A traditional Southern confection. You won’t taste the alcohol. It evaporates in the roasting process.3. Mao Tse Tarses’ Chinese Glazed Walnuts4. Rembrandt Van Tarses’ Dutch Cocoa Almonds. Bittersweet because they are made with cocoa powder instead of chocolate.
5. Alejandro Tarses’ Spicy and Smoky Chipotle Almonds.


TILEX MOLD AND MILDEW REMOVER. The rainy season has started. You may see mold spots in wet areas at this time of year, most likely on bathroom walls and ceilings. If you would like a free bottle of Tilex Mold and Mildew Remover, just come over to the chocolate room and pick it up. Just spray it on, wait a few minutes, and wipe it off with a sponge or sponge mop. Wipe the area with clean water after you are done to remove the bleach odor.

NEVER TRY TO REPAIR A MICROWAVE OVEN.

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If your microwave oven isn’t working, never try to fix it yourself. You could kill yourself. It really is that dangerous. First, you could electrocute yourself. With most electric appliances, there is no risk of electrocution if the appliance is unplugged; however, the high voltage capacitor in a microwave oven can give you a lethal shock even if the microwave oven is unplugged and has been unplugged for weeks. Yes, I know that sounds impossible, but I’m told it’s true. Second, the beryllium oxide in a microwave oven’s insulators can be fatal if it gets in your lungs. What can you do if your microwave oven isn’t working? First, make sure it is getting electricity. Plug in something else into the outlet and see if it works. You may have just flipped a circuit breaker. Second, push the ‘stop’ or ‘clear’ button and try again. Third, unplug the microwave oven and then plug it back in. If that doesn’t work, either call a factory service repairman, or if you have a cheap or old microwave oven, just replace it. And remember, you can’t put a microwave oven in a garbage can. It is considered toxic electronic waste, and you can be fined for improper disposal of it. You can drop off an old microwave oven at the Computer and Technology Resource Center on Page Street in Berkeley. There is no charge.

IS TENNESSEE REALLY AGAINST SCHOOL MANDATES?

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In August, Governor Bill Lee of Tennessee signed an executive order giving parents the right to opt-out of local school mask mandates. Governor Lee said in his order that he supported Covid vaccination. He said that vaccines are: “The most important tool we have to fight the pandemic.” However, the governor said he was issuing this order because he is opposed to public school mandates and government mandates in general. Well, don’t they have school mandates in Tennessee? Yes, they certainly do.

Public school mandates in Tennessee are among the harshest in the country. In Tennessee, schoolchildren as young as 7 years of age have been arrested and taken to jail in handcuffs for offenses such as cursing in a school playground. In 2016, 11 schoolchildren were arrested in Rutherford County for watching a fight. The 2 children who were fighting were 5 and 6 years old and were not arrested because of their age, but the children who watched the fight were older and arrested and taken to jail for failure to stop the fight.

Does Tennessee allow paddling and beating of school children? Yes, but with one exception. Disabled children cannot be beaten by school teachers or school staff in Tennessee without permission of the parents. If the parents give their permission, then school teachers in Tennessee can beat physically and mentally disabled children for offenses such as tardiness. The hypocrisy of some politicians about their opposition to school mandates seems astonishing to me! Over 700,000 Americans have already died from Covid. How many school children have died from tardiness? Yes, I know. I have written about this before.

GEORGE WASHINGTON AND SMALLPOX. Anti-vaxxers say that vaccination mandates violate their rights as American citizens. Well, the Founding Fathers of the United States didn’t feel that way. Early in the American Revolution, smallpox ran rampant through George Washington’s army. During the Battle of Quebec in December 1775, Washington’s army was so weakened by smallpox that they had to call off the battle and retreat back to New York. Washington tried a number of measures to control the epidemic, including quarantines, but nothing worked. Finally, in 1777, Washington opted for smallpox vaccination of his troops. Although the method of vaccination available at the time was crude, it works. Once a soldier was vaccinated, he got a lifetime immunity from smallpox. Washington ordered all of his troops vaccinated for smallpox, and with no exemptions, no opt-out. Washington informed John Hancock of his decision. Hancock was the president of the Continental Congress at the time. Neither Hancock nor any other member of Congress objected to Washington’s decision to make smallpox vaccination mandatory. So – we actually know that the Founding Fathers were not opposed to mandatory vaccination.
Below is a famous photo taken around 1900 of two 16 year old boys. Both were exposed to smallpox at the same time. One boy was vaccinated. The other was not. This photo appeared in newspapers all over the U.S.

HOW SHOULD I SPEND MY $5000?

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Last month, I said that I got a phone call saying that I failed to report for jury duty and that I would be arrested unless I paid a fine in Walmart gift cards. Last week, I got a phone call from a Mr. Rollins who said he works for the ‘Department of Distributions’. He said that they sued my bank and got a class action settlement and that I am entitled to receive a portion of it. He said that my bank reported that I used their ATM last year, so I am entitled to receive $5,000 as my share of the settlement, and they will mail me a check as soon as they receive $200 from me for the processing fee, payable in Starbucks gift cards. It seems hard to believe that anyone is gullible enough to fall for a scam this obvious, but lots of people do. I think the federal government should be putting serious resources into stopping these telephone frauds. Federal law enforcement agencies don’t need new legislation to do that. Telephone scams have been a federal crime for a long time, but I very rarely hear of anyone getting arrested or going to prison for running these boiler room operations.

ST. HELENA COFFEE.

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CORRECTION. Weasel Coffee is Not Civet Cat Coffee. Last month I said that weasel coffee and civet cat coffee are the same thing, but I was wrong.

What is the most expensive coffee in the world (that didn’t come out of cat or weasel poop)? The idea of drinking coffee from beans that were picked out of animal poop does not appeal to me. I suspect that most people feel the same way I do about that. The most expensive coffee in the world produced the normal way (by picking the beans off coffee bushes by hand) comes from the small island of St. Helena in the South Atlantic Ocean. After the Battle of Waterloo, the British exiled Napoleon Bonaparte to St. Helena, where he lived until his death. Napoleon didn’t live in a prison, but a mansion. He was allowed to have guests visit and stay with him, including old comrades. The British also allowed people in France to send Napoleon gifts, including furniture, furnishings, food, and wine. Napoleon wrote letters to his admirers in France who wanted to send him gifts with suggestions. Among the things Napoleon specifically told people not to send him was coffee. He told people that the coffee grown on St. Helena was exceptionally good. Napoleon said: “The only good thing about St. Helena is the coffee.” When people in France heard that, everybody wanted to get coffee from St. Helena. However, the island is very small, and only a small portion of the land is suitable for agriculture. St. Helena only exports a few hundred pounds of coffee beans a year. Their coffee has won a lot of awards. If you want to buy coffee from St. Helena, you can order it online from growers on the island. It costs between $150 to $300 a pound.

BE CAREFUL USING THE WORD ‘TOMORROW’ IN EMAILS.

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A lot of people have still not figured out that making an appointment by email is very different from making an appointment by telephone. When you call someone on the phone, you are in direct communication with the other person. In a phone call, ‘today’ means today, and ‘tomorrow’ means tomorrow. However, when you send an email, you can’t be sure when the recipient will get it. He may get it immediately, but if his server or yours is down or screwed up, he may not get your message for hours. Haven’t you ever received an email the day after it was sent? You should get in the habit of being specific about dates in email messages. State the day of the week you are talking about. At some point, you may get yourself into trouble, like missing an important appointment, by using words like ‘tomorrow’ in an email.

When is ‘next Tuesday’? ‘Next’ is another word that gets people into trouble in emails. Suppose you get an email on Sunday, October 10 inviting you to a meeting ‘next Tuesday’. Is the sender referring to October 12 or October 19? The dictionary defines ‘next’ as ‘immediately after’, but after what? Avoid confusion. State the date.

Business etiquette.  In business schools in Europe, students are taught business etiquette and how to write business letters. That is a basic part of a business education in Europe and Japan. Here in the U.S., business schools don’t normally teach that at all. I majored in business, and the subject of business etiquette never came up. I do recall a lecture on how to write a resume, but not how to write a business letter.

The Handshake. Shaking hands has been part of business etiquette for centuries and refusing to shake somebody’s hand has always been considered an insult. Covid has changed that. If someone offers to shake my hand, I politely tell them that I don’t shake hands anymore because of Covid. No one has yet taken offense by that. Dr. Anthony Fauci said last year: “I don’t think we should ever shake hands again, to be honest with you.” Forget about bumping elbows as an alternative to a handshake or having everybody wipe their hands with hand sanitizer before or after shaking hands. If I was running an office, I would put up signs around the office stating: ‘We do not shake hands in this office due to Covid.’

CALLING ME ON THE TELEPHONE.Before I answer my phone, I always check my Caller I.D. screen first. If my Caller I.D. does not identify the caller or says that the call is from a ‘Private Caller’, ‘Unknown Name’, ‘Blocked Number’, ‘Toll Free Number’, or just the name of a city; I will not answer the call. If you are calling me from a telephone that does not identify you, just leave a voicemail message. Do not hang up and call me back later. That won’t do any good. I check my messages frequently, and I will reply to legitimate voicemail messages. I am sorry if this seems rude, but I get a lot of robocalls, and this is the only way I can control the problem. You should do the same thing that I do about this. When you answer a robocall, you are telling the computer that called you that you answer robocalls. Doing that gets you more robocalls, calls like: “Your auto warranty is about to expire” or “Congratulations! You have been selected to receive a free…….” I recently got a robocall that said that I failed to appear for jury duty and that a bench warrant for my arrest would be issued in 48 hours unless I paid a $500 fine, a fine that I could only pay with Walmart gift cards. It seems hard for me to believe that there are people gullible enough to fall for a scam this obvious, but I am told that a lot of people do.

FORT BRAGG, CALIFORNIA.

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A couple of months ago, I wrote that a lot of U.S. military bases back east are named for Confederate generals. As several people pointed out, there are lots of places here in California that are named for Confederate generals as well. I think the most interesting of these places is the city of Fort Bragg, named for Confederate general Braxton Bragg. If you want to go somewhere for the weekend from the Bay Area, Fort Bragg is worth a trip. Although the city is very small, it has 2 major tourist attractions: Glass Beach and the Skunk Train. The Skunk Train is a 19th Century steam train that weaves through ancient redwood forests. Fort Bragg also has a beautiful coastline and great hiking trails.


California’s admission into the Union was a big factor leading to the Civil War.  Prior to 1850, all the new states in the southern half of the U.S., like Texas, were admitted as slave states, and all the new states in the northern half, like Michigan, were admitted as free states. However, California is in the southern half of the U.S., going right to the Mexican border. Slave state senators voted for California’s admission as a free state in 1850 in exchange for northern senators voting for the Fugitive Slave Act, something the slave owners badly wanted. But afterward, it dawned on the slave owners that California’s admission as a free state meant that they had no future in America’s westward expansion and that with time, slavery would disappear.

CORPORAL PUNISHMENT IN SOUTHERN SCHOOLS.
Last month, I wrote that it seems ironic to me that many Southern states inflict harsh physical punishments on public school students for minor violations of school rules while at the same time prohibiting schools from requiring students to wear face masks. Since then, several people have told me about their experiences when they went to school in the South. A man I know well told me that he was paddled in junior high school in Texas for wearing a baseball cap backwards. The teacher claimed that it was evidence that he was in a gang. Southern politicians, including the governors of Texas and Florida, have banned face mask mandates in public schools on the grounds that “we are against government mandates”, but they defend beating up kids for minor violations of school rules. Am I the only person who thinks this seems illogical? I never hear TV newsmen questioning Southern politicians who oppose mask mandates but support corporal punishment.

P.S. – If every boy who wears a baseball cap backwards is in a gang, then there are a lot more gang members around here than I imagined!

MORE CAT TALES.

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Landlords and Catnip.  Catnip is easy to grow. It is green all year round (at least here in the Bay Area), and it has pretty pink and white flowers with purple spots. Catnip has a pleasant fragrance, and its aroma repels garden pests, like aphids. Catnip might seem like an ideal plant for use as ornamental ground vegetation, but it’s not. The photo below shows what happens when a landlord plants catnip around his building.


Cat Security Guard. There is a sign in front of the security guard station in the photo below that says in Turkish that no one can enter this building without showing an entry pass to the security guard. Surprisingly, many people did show their entry passes to the cat as they entered the building.


Civet Cat Coffee. San Francisco has the most billionaires per capita of any city on Earth – and by a huge margin. In San Francisco, there is one billionaire for every 11,000 people. In New York City, Dubai, and Hong Kong; there is one billionaire for every 80,000 to 100,000 people. Very rich people in San Francisco buy some astonishing stuff, like civet cat coffee. It is made from coffee beans that were eaten by civet cats. Civet cats eat coffee berries but cannot digest the beans inside and expel them in their poop. These beans are hand gathered from the cat poop, washed, dried, and shipped to coffee roasters. There are several places in San Francisco’s financial district where you can buy 100% civet cat coffee. It costs around $70 a cup. You can also buy civet coffee on Amazon for $700 a pound. Here is how to buy it. https://www.amazon.com/Weasel-Coffee-Special-Organic-Arabica/dp/B08HZ9PB42 Amazon calls it Vietnamese weasel coffee, but it’s the same thing as civet coffee. You can find much cheaper civet coffee on the market, but it isn’t 100% pure. The cheap stuff is a mixture of a few civet beans and a lot of regular coffee beans. (By the way, civet coffee is not kosher. A rabbi familiar with this product once told me at a trade show: “You cannot make kosher food from something that came out of a cat’s rear end.”) If someone offered me a cup of civet coffee, I would turn them down because I would be thinking about how it is produced. Would you drink it?