GOOD CHOCOLATE DOES NOT HAVE TO HAVE MARIJUANA IN IT!
I have griped before about the tendency of newspapers and web sites in the San Francisco bay area to think that chocolate has to have marijuana in it in order to be to be considered great chocolate. It seems like every time that some newspaper gives an award for ‘best chocolate in the bay area’, it always goes to a company that makes pot-filled chocolate. In the current issue (July 12, 2012) of East Bay Express, the newspaper’s award for ‘Best Edibles Company’ in the bay area was given to Bhang Chocolate of Oakland. All Bhang chocolate bars contain marijuana. They are available at marijuana ‘dispensaries’ here in Berkeley, where they are ‘given away’, not sold, but ‘given away’ with a catch. In order to get a ‘regular strength’ Bhang chocolate bar, you have to ‘donate’ $15 to the dispensary. For a ‘double strength’ Bhang chocolate bar, you have to ‘donate’ $20. I think that this is a rather obvious hypocrisy, but I may be biased. I think that I make good chocolate, and I refuse to accept the idea that the absence of drugs in my chocolate bars somehow makes them inferior!
HITLER’S EXPLODING CHOCOLATE BARS.
As I said, I don’t make chocolate bars with drugs in them. I also don’t make chocolate bars with explosives in them. Newly discovered documents reveal that Adolf Hitler tried to assassinate Winston Churchill during World War 2 with exploding chocolate bars. The Germans made time bombs disguised as 1 pound Peter’s chocolate bars. The exploding chocolate bars were smuggled into England in 1943 where German spies tried to get them into the war room. It was well-known that Churchill had a sweet tooth, and chocolate was very hard to get in England during the war. Lord Victor Rothschild, the head of MI-5, the British counter-intelligence service, found out about the plot and intercepted the exploding chocolate bars. Ironically, a similar idea occurred to Churchill at about the same time. In July, 1944; Hitler was almost killed when an English-made briefcase bomb went off in his war room. A number of people were killed by the blast, but Hitler was only wounded.
A Business Opportunity? I know an executive at Hershey. He tells me that Hershey does not make exploding chocolate bars – at least not at this time. Peter’s chocolate is still in business, but they don’t make exploding chocolate bars either. Should I make exploding chocolate bars? I could. I have some very big chocolate bar molds, big enough to conceal a bomb inside, and black powder is easy to get. You can buy it at any gun store. I could have the whole exploding chocolate bar business for myself! But – I have a feeling that my lawyer and my insurance agent would advise me not to do it. I’m not a lawyer, but my instincts tell me that there could be some serious legal liabilities attached to making or selling exploding chocolate bars.
NEW IN THE CHOCOLATE ROOM.
Chocolate Chip Buttermilk Pancake Mix. Some people never make pancakes at home because they feel it is too messy, time-consuming, or complicated; but my pancake mix is complete. All you have to add is water! Everything is in the bag, including miniature chocolate chips, flour, malted barley, canola oil, baking powder, and buttermilk. All you have to do is dump the contents of the bag in a bowl, stir in water, and you’re ready to make pancakes. What could be easier? Try it! You won’t be disappointed. One bag makes 12 – 4″ pancakes, enough for 3 or 4 people.
Why Buttermilk? Buttermilk adds flavor to pancakes. It also makes them lighter and fluffier. The reason for this is simple chemistry. Buttermilk contains lactic acid, which is why it tastes sour. Lactic acid reacts chemically with baking powder, creating carbon dioxide bubbles in the batter. As the pancakes cook, the bubbles expand, making the pancakes rise.
Russian Cigarettes. Russian Cigarettes aren’t Russian, and they aren’t cigarettes. A Russian Cigarette is a type of cookie that’s popular in Belgium. It is a thin butter cookie that is rolled up into a tube while it is still warm and soft. Once the cookie cools and becomes hard, I dip it in chocolate.
Remember – you don’t have to wait until the first of the month when the rent is due in order to get chocolate. My free chocolate room is open for business all month long! And also remember – all my chocolate is both drug-and-explosive-free!
Ferrero, Europe’s biggest confectionery company, has been forced to pull its ads for their new line of white chocolate kisses. The product was designed for the German market, where white chocolate is more popular than it is in the US. Ferrero’s ads use the slogans ‘Germany chooses white’, ‘Germany votes white’, and ‘White kisses are best.’ Furious Germans demanded that Ferrero pull these ads because they mirror the position of Germany’s far-right anti-Semitic party, the NPD, which wants to restrict immigration to Germany to white Christians only. Obviously Ferrero wasn’t trying to develop a candy that would appeal to Nazis. They just hadn’t considered how these ads would sound in Germany, where neo-fascism is a very sensitive issue.
